As with all my blog posts, I can only speak for myself. What I wanted from Yoga was more than just an exercise, a physical activity, a pastime or something superficially spiritual. I wanted all those things and more, and I wanted to dive in deep. Actually I wasn't just hungry for more, I wanted it all. And I still do.
Growing up I was your typical London girl who wanted it all, I worked hard and played hard and generally was all about achieving all my goals. But the more I got what I wanted the more I started to realise it was a little bit empty. By the time I was 24 I had bagged myself a staff job at one of the biggest media companies in the country and also gone backpacking around the world. And it was my first time in the Himalayas that really made me question my priorities in life. I can't lie, I stopped making work my top focus after that.
It was almost like the very energy of the highest mountain range in the world left a mark on me. It felt tangible to me, like they stole a part of me or something. What was it that I felt there that felt so good. It came out of the blue, work was going well, I was on the trip of a lifetime, then all of a sudden amidst all the beauty (and drama - but that's for another post!) I found myself asking questions I felt I was much too young and suburban to ask.
This strange feeling that I experienced in the Himalayas, where I did absolutely nothing religious or spiritual - in fact I was refused entry into the main Temple in Katmandu for being of Sri Lankan ethnicity - I came away with a profound sense offing spiritually alive. I've always been interested in energy, Eastern philosophy and Indian myth but I was never a fan of what I had seen as superstitious beliefs. But all I wanted to do when I came back from Nepal was learn more about Indian Spiritual traditions and philosophy.
It all started to make sense. The books I read spoke of the greatest ambition and desire and passion, all directed towards how far you could go, the ultimate possibility for a human being and obliterating the poxy confines of all I was told I should strive for in the form of a regular job and a house and car and even a family. These were all wonderful things and things I either had or probably would not mind having, but they were blatantly not things that pushed the boundaries of human possibility as far as I was concerned. The books, be it an interpretation of the Bhagavad Gita or those written by more contemporary Yogis, spoke directly to me, and instead of telling me anything new about what I was feeling they confirmed others felt the same.
I had already looked for fulfilment in work, success, relationships, partying, music and art and hobbies, sports, travel, entertainment - basically anything I could think of outside myself that provided a short-lived hit of happiness. I felt like I was on a merry go round or hamster wheel always on the move but never getting anywhere. Then I was in Nepal and I suddenly felt it. That place was where I wanted to be, except it wasn't actually physical.
Now all this probably sounds fanciful, fantastical and a bit fluffy if you have no points of reference to relate. And I'm not going to lie, as the product of an ultra competitive selective school in London and former TV rolling-news journalist I'm probably a bit more extra than most. Oh, and did I mention I'm an only child? So I'm not saying your motivation needs to be anything like mine. I was conditioned to want the maximum from life and I often got it, and all I'm saying is that I found that all the things I was told would give me all the happiness and fulfilment never really could. I guess this is what Sage Patanjali meant when he compiled the Yoga Sutras with the opening line "And now Yoga".
I still want it all in many ways. I haven't stopped living myeline. I still work, I still have my hobbies, relationships and oddly enjoy them even more than ever. I find they have all improved, across the board. I son't party like I used to but I still have fun, and whatever happens I just make sure the first thing that does happen is my yoga practice.
Just because it's Classical Yoga doesn't mean you have to become a monk or a nun, or deny yourself any fun. It's about making the space to invest some time in your highest potential, whatever that means to you, because Yoga can help you reach it.
Comments